Dusted

About 3 months never update my blog, i did not forget this blog, just i dont know what to write. Yea there has a new apps call DAYRE. It can mark my daily life easily and convenient so i neglected my blog.

Is good to dust this blog so that no one will read what i write, only myself read it. :)

I got alot of 'rubbish' want to throw but i dont know what to say. I do not have good expression. 

生存的意义

这是一个非常争议的话题

我生存真正的意义到底是什么
我们被赋予生命 我总相信 我们是被安排了什么的
然而 偶尔的疲惫 会让我觉得 毫无意义的疲惫 到底是为了什么

对吧 每个人 都被支配 家人 朋友和爱人
但 如果你没有努力的珍惜 维系
这些支配的人 也会离你远去
但 无论你如何去维系 还是有人 会不领你的情 因为他们根本不需要 碍眼的你

我想说的是 我珍惜珍惜我的人
无论 我嘴上有再多的埋怨 谁对我好 我还是心里有数

微笑吧 女孩 你还是活得好好的 不是吗？

Review of 2013

What can I say is 2013 is definitely not my year, everything ruin in this year including relationships, friendships, academy, healthy and more.. 

I'm kind of think-too-much, I was trying hard to do my best in this year dy but sadness does not recover at all. 

Time flies, whole 2013 is just like a dream for me cuz it really pass too fast! Especially from my previous relationship to my previous relationship until now. Yea I keep mentioning this because this is the most terrible issue in my 2013. 

Second issue in my 2013 is my daddy health. My daddy will become more healthy year by year! *fingercross I want my family to be healthy and happy!

2014 definitely will be my better year! Happy New Year my lovessss!!

Nothing

Is this really hard to recover? I did ask myself everyday. My answer is always NO. But the ridiculous fact is why am i still always emo? I have no answer for myself about this. Recently, I found out the reason. The reason is really SIMPLE. I just afraid of one thing which is LONELY. Or another word? ALONE.

Every friends tell me that, no boyfriend nevermind, you still got tons of friends, what to worry? In fact, that is true, I have a lot of friends, but how much of them care about my life? Some of my friends are overseas, some of them busying with their academic, and most of them around me having partner which i knew i cannot disturb them. 远水不能救近火 近水没空灭火 
At last I dont even have a friend to talk when i need a pair of ears. I do not have a warm shoulder to tear. I didnt blame anyone because I know that this is my own life that i need to pass through myself. Everyone have their own life, I have no right to disturb other people life to comfort my own feeling, i knew that.

The only issue that i blamed is DONT EVEN TELL ME YOU WANNA HELP ME TO PASS THROUGH IF YOU DIDNT MEAN THAT! Dont just simply say, I dont need any promises. I just believe in action. This is what made me heart broken. I do not need your comfort if you doesn't mean that.

Is time to let go, even I am not willing to do that. Letting go is the only way to release myself.

The third 25th of November

I think I should write something on this 25th, so i am here to write something. *my god, what am i talking?* 

Just ignore that, yea.. IF we did not broke up, today is our 3rd years anniversary. I really remember that. I will never blame anyone on failure of this relationship. What will I say is, this is all fate. GOD had arranged all these for us.

Somehow i felt quite lucky because if we did not end that relationship, I have no chance to fall to HIM also. I did not want to compare anyone of them, but I know that he is the one who I wanted badly. Although he is not mine anymore but as what I said, GOD had arranged. I do believe in fate.

Never want to think about it anymore, if not I gonna emo for whole night again. So, happy-go-lucky! :D

还活着

还活着 胡思乱想的活着
默默告诉自己 自己定的期限很快就到了
就让我任性这一回吧 最起码我是认真的任性

两个月了 我还是活得好好的啊
还有10个月 如果那时候没有答案
那我就放弃了
我真的会
我曾说过 我说的一定会做到
但我不奢望 你能为我做到了
我相信顺其自然了

加油吧 为我自己的目标

有时候 真的寂寞的可以 没人可以跟我说话 没人陪我去看电影 我真的要一个人自己去吗？我会试试看 :)

愛情

愛得深嗎？深得痛嗎？

我時常那樣問自己 不過往往是沒有答案的 

之前的lwj 我不否認 跟他在一起 是快樂的 只因為他那愛玩的性格 

那樣沒什麼驚喜 驚嚇而細水長流的愛情 真的是美好的

知道那兩個人的出現 一切都幻滅了 

好玩而喜歡驚喜的他 

也因為我給的壓力 讓他更加投入在那兩個人身上了 

他總是有很多很多的藉口 很多很多的理由

其實 兩年半不是過假的 我其實知道 他只是不想要被束縛 嚮往自由 

而那個他認為成熟的那個大姐姐 給到他 所以他喜歡她了

兩年半的細水長流 乾枯了 結束了

在我最難過 最艱難 最無助的時候 

有個他 出現了 

他說 他可以當我暫時的男朋友 

讓我度過一切 還唱暫時的男朋友給我聽呢 :p

直到某個晚上 突如其來的表白 

嚇了我一大跳 沒想過他會有真的喜歡我的一天 

由於傷得太深 我不敢接受 

看到他那失望的眼神 我也莫名的傷心了 

他問了第二次 第三次 可愛的他 讓我也拒絕不下去了 

我的第二段戀情 就這樣開始了 

由於 之前的我脾氣太壞 也太過依賴 

我知道 我不能那樣了 

所以 不曾發脾氣 但他說我沒主見 

其實我不是沒有 只是讓他做主我會安心 

不依賴 他說我根本不需要他 

這個男生 超級敏感的男生 

我愛得那麼深 也許 我覺得 這是對的人了

但這個想太多的男人 也許沒我想像中那麼愛我 

所以短暫的戀情 也這樣結束了 

我問了他很多話 他也回答了很多話 

我其實現在想了想 問了那麼多 除了知道了事實 你還想expect些什麼？

手上還有彼此的戒指 腦袋還有彼此的承諾 但除此之外 真的什麼都沒有了 不是嗎？

這次的我 沒有另一個他把我拉起來了 

我必須自己爬起來 

很難 很痛苦 但還在努力中 

這次的我 拒絕了所有朋友的安慰跟幫助 只因為我覺得 我要獨立了 要獨自生活了 

然而 我發現我錯了

我的朋友們都在我的背後討論該怎麼幫我走出來 默默地心疼著我 

原來 我不是一個人 只是 要獨自生活罷了 

我不懂我的復原期還要多長 但我真的會努力的 

最起碼到現在 我覺得我很強了

加油啊 自己 

還有你 雖然我之前是真的很想slap你的 但我明白他 所以我懂錯不在你 你也活得很辛苦 衷心的 希望你快點走出來 加油啊 :)

Start over again

任性夠了 

是時候回到現實了

我昨天去找答案了

也找到了 

不多說 

一切都結束了 

我的心臟

我的心臟還能承受多少？

很痛 很怕 很累 

能不能停止跳動了？

怎麼了嗎？不知道 

怎麼辦？不知道

辛苦嗎？很辛苦

累嗎？非常累

我也想簡簡單單 

我也想平平凡凡

我只是普通人 

為甚麼我承受的要比別人多

想睡著 永遠不起來

Afraid

媽的 原來我會怕

因為他不再在我的生活裡了

我怕他認識新女孩 

因為當她吸引他 我怕他就會去追她了 

我想隱藏自己了 

原來我沒有想像中自信